I didn't really bother with going to Peppermill today. I went, played for like twenty minutes, had a mediocre breakfast (some woman kept staring at me, and she wasn't being discreet about it, apparently fat women eating is captivating) and decided to go to Wal*Mart and buy stuff we needed/I needed. There were no good vibes there today, it felt very much like serious f'n business (which is normal for some casinos around here, but not this one), no one seemed happy. The music wasn't happy. "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad", "Dust In The Wind" and some song from the BeeGees that I have blocked out. If I stayed there, I would have crawled under one of the many empty gaming tables with a bottle of whisky so I could cry for all the friends I lost in Vietnam, and my dog who ran away, and my wife who left me...

I showed an amazing amount of restraint when it came to body wash/soap/girlie things. I bought some panties, a sports bra (which at my size, is not the best thing, but let me tell you, this feels much better than what I am used to, it's just not very flattering), a bunch of fans etc. etc.

I am still on the hunt for empty spray bottles (I can't find them) and I totally forgot the stationary/office supply section, which sucks because I really did need to get a binder. I am doing this whole flything to get my apartment in order, with or without help. Flywoman? Something like that and some other site I found that had some good (if not confusing) advice about house cleaning.

Anyway, went shopping. Went to sushi. Done with eating out. Done. Done. Done. The sushi bar had their B Team out today, and though I love the one guy, I don't know, he doesn't make rolls the way you'd think. I also think I am becoming...allergic or something to the fish because I always feel very sick after I go. Yeah I know, why do I keep going? They have kick ass iced tea.

But we have plenty of fans now, so maybe it will make up for the lack of A/C.

I came home, and watched old Madonna videos on YouTube. I don't understand what I saw in this woman. I just don't. I think it took me years to realize she was all shock value, and the ending of "American Life" is unforgivable. I re-watched stuff that I thought was pure genius when I was sixteen/seventeen, man I was way off. I will say this much "Bad Girl" is one of the best produced true music videos ever. I hate dancing videos, save that for when you go on tour. Madonna said videos were like mini movies, and she's right about that.

Stolen from dragonfluff. Go to this (new window) site and pick five quotes that resonate with you by either reflecting who you are or what you believe. OK, so I gave you two more. (Check the boxes on the bottom of the page for a wider variety of quotes.

No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded.

Yogi Berra (1925 - )

Go broke for what you love. It's only money; only stuff.

John Mayer

Men are confused. They're conflicted. They want a woman who's their intellectual equal, but they're afraid of women like that. They want a woman they can dominate, but then they hate her for being weak. It's an ambivalence that goes back to a man's relationship with his mother. Source of his life, center of his universe, object of both his fear and his love.

Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Cicely, 1992

The bonds that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.

Richard Bach

I drink to make other people seem more interesting.

George Jean Nathan (1882 - 1958)

True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it is not haphazard and superficial. It comes to see that an edifice that produces beggars needs restructuring.

Martin Luther King

The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

I didn't sleep again yesterday. I fell asleep pretty quick, but things kept waking me up. The phone, weird noises, random unknown things. I couldn't go back to sleep. I was tempted to go home in the morning for a few hours and then go out, but I know I wont motivate and then I will want to be home for when the boyfriend gets home.

I hate the fact that I self impose curfews on myself.

I left my radio at home. It wasn't going to be a good show tonight anyway, but I am lonely. I have my iPod but I want voices, not music and these computers don't have sound cards.

I have only been on for an hour and a half, and already I could die from boredom.

The cheese thing, allow me to explain. I was reading one of my many cooking/food communities and someone was posting some cheese event somewhere. She took really good pictures, but there was this one piece of cheese. All dusty white outside, off white inside and black/green around the edges. I was thinking "throw it out" or "kill it will fire!". I like cheese. I like fancy cheese. One day I will have brie en croute again and die happy. But I don't like to think about cheese, and how it's made, and...aged.

Besides ordering PPV's I finished my kitchen and discovered the joys of ammonia. Like many people, I was hesitant about cleaning with something that smells like my cat box. It sounds like cleaning grout with chocolate pudding. But really, I was amused and I am now in love with what it did to my kitchen. My floor, which never feels clean no matter what I use, feels wonderful and clean and not sticky or oily. I have almost given up when bleach didn't seem to help much. So I am now in love with it.

I have a bunch of cleaners to go through, and then I am done with all of them (save for my Mr Clean Reach) and I am going to buy ammonia and spray bottles.

I have never, not once, ordered a Pay Per View in my life. Today, for fun, I ordered two.

The first one was Right at Your Door. I love disaster movies, and this seemed to be one right up my alley. It's a low budget indie movie which uses it's lack of funds to produce an intense isolated feeling. The basic story is this: an out of work musician, his bacon bringing wife and a handy man become caught up in a terrorist attack where LA is ravaged by dirty bombs carrying some kind of illness.

It's a straight up political statement. Everyone seems to represent something that occurs in a crises: you have the worried husband, the handy man next door who seems to be a contained rumor mill, a kid, mysterious government figures and reporters on the radio. I was hoping they would explore relationships more, they started to, and dropped it. If you are a sympathetic cougher like me, this movie is hard to get through. Also, they really son't seem to develop the illness well.

I didn't like this film, I thought it would make a better play. The ending seems unnatural and forced.

Southland Tales (written by the same guy as Donnie Darkois a lot to handle, even with it's long running time. This movie stars everyone: Kevin Smith, the girl from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dan from Nightcourt, the pychic from Poltergeist (Carol ANNNNNNNNNN!), the inconceivable guy from The Princess Bride, Justin Timberlake and Mandy Moore. Plus a ton of people from SNL and Mad TV. Oh and the Rock. He's a pimp.

I don't know what the basic plot is. It was written by two paranoid schizophrenics and three monkees all were given unlimited amounts of acid and Moby albums.

Actually, the whole thing is set after nuclear bombs are set off in Texas on the Fourth of July. There's lots of privacy vs. safety stuff going on, but it's handled well. The movie has a very clear political message (two elephants having sex, literally, when Timberlake talks about the aftermath), all the bad guys have accents, etc. etc.

Buffy plays a porn star named Krysta Now (because you can have sex with her now, get it? Yeah.) she has a roundtable reality tv show, an energy drink, a pop album (something about "teen horniness") and some other stuff. She is writing a screen play (perhaps the worst ever) with the Rock, who used to be married to a senator's daughter, but has recently lost his memory and has gone from being a tool of the Republicans to one of the Marxists. The screen play is about an alternative energy device doing something with space time. Justin Timerblake stars at people behind his gun turrant on Venice Beach and recites passages from the Book of Revelations (not as creepy as it sounds) when he's not doing that he's singing songs from The Killers and dacing with latex nurses. There's also some guy who I can't place who is looking for his brother. Bai Ling plays some smoking sadist person, she smokes through the entire movie, except for like two scenes. But I mean really really smokes. Like she has this whole inhaling thing going on.

The Rock, Timerlake and Buffy make this 75 hour film worth it. It's hysterical and visually stunning. It's also very quotable. "I'm a pimp, and pimps don't commit suicide.", "Is this some kind of orgy?" and "Scientists say the future is going to be more futuristic than they thought."

The scene towards the end, with The Rock, Mandy Moore and Buffy is sincerely worth it if you're a fan of any of them. Or Moby. Really, between this scene and the whole Sami/EJ kiss on Friday's Days of Our Lives, I could hump my TV.

• 10:36 I don't understand cheese #

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• 16:27 ugh today was fine save for the last ten minutes. how wrong is that? #

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Wednesday was actually pretty amazing, the first two-thirds of it anyway.

I had to go to the bank to get my card fixed. We have super security on the cards now, and my pin was not created by me, so I ended up locking myself out constantly. The boyfriend finally got me motivated yesterday and we went and took care of it. We went for lunch at Atlantis. A casino I had only been in once to a restraunt.

It's funny. This one and the one a few blocks away have the same Ocean thing going on. The same kind of crazy LSD and Schizophrenia influenced carpeting, the same fake palm trees anf fountains.

However, Peppermill has knee friendly chairs, and Atlantis does not. They both have good buffets, Peppermill has better desserts and Atlantis has prime rib for lunch. They both play old people friendly music, which is a shame or Peppermill since it reminds me of an 80's video.

The boyfriend wants me to go out next week. So I am deciding between these two, and will most likely go with Peppermill, which seems to have more games that I like.

They are really the only Vegas style casinos here, everything else is too small. Well, save for the Nugget. I have not been there, and I know nothing about it really. I dislike going to places blind. I have ~*~requirements~*~.

Yesterday I watched 28 Days Later, and then the boyfriend and I watched I am Legend. It was intresting watching two movies with the same theme (major city, destroyed by man made virus) done in two different ways.

I loved 28 Days Later I am quite happy I do not live in London. I think this movie would make me want to move. All in all though much more realistic than the other movie. Not any more or less scary than the original one, though it does look like the virus is changing up a bit. I would like to have known what happened from the survivors of the original film. Though much like Romero's films, I doubt we'll ever know.

Legend dissapointed me. Other than Will Smith's acting, nothing was really realistic. It's good to know there will still be cleaning crews cleaning up the billions of dead people he goes on about. Manhatten is just a little too clean. It's what made 28 Weeks scarier and really set the mood/forshadowing. The "crunchy" parts and the teenagers acting were done quite well. Will Smith does a good job, don't get me wrong. I thought he pulled off the bacon scene perfectly, but I liked the dog more than I liked him.

Both of the movies had the same problem for me, their endings. Legends were too thrown together, too many holes. 28 Weeks (unless there's something to my theory above) was plain unrealistic.

This weekend, at some point, I plan on seeing Right At Your Front Door and Southland Tales.

• 23:47 george noory is an idiot #
• 23:47 the earthquakes are gone again! #
• 00:04 i really wish i brought something to drink to work with me tonight #
• 00:07 Has anyone ever worked overnight for a shipping company? (DHL, UPS etc) #

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I did not sleep well. My fault. While cleaning and reorganizing, I accidently took away my cat's bed. She sleeps on the night table next to my bed. On top of it. Usually, I have something there to make it soft for her. So all day she knocked things off and made circles, and just plain kept waking me up. Moving the food dish seems to have freaked them out also. I was woken up permanantly by six people standing on my porch wanting to talk about Dramas and Jesus and Hell. I was nice, nicer than maybe I should have been, and I just declined. The last thing you want to hear about when you work nights and haven't been able to sleep is Hell.

Since I was up I ordered the boyfriend some Chinese for when he got home. Sadly, though the store is four maybe five blocks away, they were more than an hour late. They said they would refund the charge, but I have not seen it on my Visa yet. But my balance, even with the charge, has not changed. Eitherway, maybe it's a sign from God to stay away from Chinese food?

The IRS site finally updated, and they have told me I will get my money on Friday. At least I know it's coming. That's all I wanted to know.

Wednesday, we have to go to the bank. I have to get my pin changed, and I think I am going to open a Savings account. Maybe. Much like my hair, I am still contemplating it.

I finally did it, after much thought and obsession I cut my hair off.  It's short, maybe a couple inches long but it feels so nice, and it's fun to wash.  I don't have to stand there forever waiting for my hair to rinse out.  I don't regret doing it, between obsessively plucking gray hair out (causing lots of breakage) and pulling my hair back it looked like a mess.  I rather have short hair than messy Wild Woman of Borneo looking long hair.  I may be crazy, but I don't have to look crazy.

I grabbed some of that new Dove body spray.  It's very strong going on, a wee over-priced.  I think I will stick to the Wal*Mart brand of body spray since you get three times as much for a couple bucks more.  I also got some more baking things, I only have a month left before I can't bake anymore until it cools down again.  I forgot garbage bags.  

Today I had one of those little bursts of energy while I was catching up on Lost (don't get me started, as a fan of The Dark Tower series, this season has been predictable and I wonder how much longer the writers can carry out theese "mysteries" especially since it all seems pretty clear to some of us, save for smokey and why the "dead" people can appear off the island) and I cleaned my bedroom like it was no one's business.  I moved the cat food back into the kitchen (I find the sound of animals eating to be comforting while I sleep) because it was killing the carpet in there.  It looks nice in there now.  Well, close to it.  I also did like five loads of wash (towels, a throw blanket, one of my winter jackets, my sheets).

The boyfriend got his stimulus check Friday.  We went out to eat Saturday after work, which was nice.  The thing is we went to his favorite place.  I have only been there twice and both times I have had to leave because I could not breath after a while.

I still have no clue where my money is.  The IRS just likes to mess with me.

• 11:48 Sometimes,I just want to tell people to suck it up and deal with it. #

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• 12:37 I am taking a safety day today. #
• 12:38 I love Mandy Patamkin #
• 12:54 The earthquakes are back. #
• 13:16 our cable has gone up, seriously. #
• 14:04 sometimes i wish we had DISH, that way i could have the chiller channel #

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Tagged by lady_ashe like a million years ago.

Here are the rules: 1) Link back to the person who tagged you (that= me!). 2) Post the rules on your blog. 3) Write six things about yourself. 4) Tag six people at the end of your post by posting links to their blog sites. 5) Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their site. 6) And let your tagger know when your entry is up.

1. I can't motivate properly without taking a shower first.

2. I can only sleep on my side.

3. I have always wanted to get a crew cut, but I don't have the guts.

4. I spend hours Wikisurfing and doing Google Image Searches for various places and things.

5. I have an unhealthy addiction to all things office supply related (but mostly pens).

6. Sushi is my favorite food followed by: Sushi, Tex-Mex, Mexican, Thai and Chinese.

Yes I know I am supposed to tag people, but I never do. I don't like leaving anyone out, so consider yourself tagged, or not.

• 22:53 the boyfriend thinks my stimulus check just isn't in the system yet. i hope he's right. i need to stop reading 'poor skills'. #
• 22:54 my brownies came out kick ass by the way, even if i did under-stir them. #
• 22:58 does it make me horrible that i don't auto. trust people on n_a who say they have been robbed of everything but don't make new accts? #
• 23:12 there's this one post-op nurse & she's always so bitchy when i talk to her,she always has something to complain about #
• 23:38 UGH homophobia makes me stabby.a gay cpl were talking about their twins in 'Baby Talk' & some horrible woman said she wanted to throw up. #
• 23:42 tonight i have wonderful PB&J sammiches. #
• 00:04 nothing from my neopet dailies =( again #
• 12:43 i am dead hungry, broke and so tired i can't even think what to make.if you never hear from me again i have set the kitchen on fire #
• 13:43 Go here: tinyurl.com/3r2mvb #
• 13:44 previous link: lost city in the woods (very cool and sad) #

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• 23:30 i am making a dump cake on tues. i just need to figure out how much butter to use. #
• 23:41 the poll for the personal and ut-oh filters is closed. i will make another poll about my filters in a month or two, unless i add a bunch. #
• 00:38 i got nothing on my Neopets dailies #
• 00:49 i wish i brought pb & j to work instead of noodles. #
• 01:10 there's no toilet paper in the bathroom at work again, this does not please me #
• 02:01 that post in n_p about the key logger is scary. #
• 03:05 I need to pick up some chocolate cake mix #
• 03:13 i think i will make brownies before i go to bed monday #
• 05:50 the noodles i brought for work stink =( #
• 06:14 they make a wine called 'heart of darkness' #
• 06:21 if you haven't paid your water bill in so long you don't remember who you pay it to, yes it's been turned off for lack of payment #
• 06:21 30 minutes left, and soon i will be eating delicious brownies #
• 06:21 30 minutes left, and soon i will be eating delicious brownies #
• 07:36 i hate it when you comment to someone thinking they are asking an honest question & they get all uppity because you didn't get their 'joke' #
• 16:45 so now it turns out not everyone will be getting a stimulus check? what? i was counting on that money. #

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...of things I am terrified of.

Sometimes I suck. I know, it's hard to imagine.

I forgot my friend's birthday, I forgot because I thought I wasn't going to forget and I forgot to write it down somewhere. It's totally my fault.

I'm sorry Bonnie.